“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong”
~Mandy Hale, Author
VIM Executive Coaching is well aware that as in personal lives, executives and co-workers latch onto a grudge and cannot let go of “affronts” and what they consider slights. No matter what others may do to apologize or try to change, they are never forgiven.
Ironically, executive leaders who can’t let go, are often vocal in their defense of modern workplace concepts such as resilience, flexibility and adaptability.
“We must be resilient!” they proclaim remote or in-person yet, when it comes time to look past an employee’s heartfelt correction of a past problem, they can never quite seem able to look beyond the past.
Obviously, we are not talking about an egregious mistake such as workplace bullying or abuse but a human error that was regretted and supposedly allowed to be put behind, but in reality, wasn’t.
The question then arises as to who, at that point, is the one who needs to be forgiven? Is it the subordinate who made the mistake – and “paid the price,” or the executive leader (even the team) that refuses to allow the concept of authentic forgiveness to allow for a new day?
Our observation, viewed hundreds of times over, is that an inflexible, uncompassionate executive leader can be the bigger problem that the subordinate.
No choice but to go
Unfortunately, many workplaces have lost thousands of employees who were the “unforgiven.” It is often after the employees have moved on, that the executive leader might have reflected it was their lack of resilience that kept them from forgiving the situation. When forgiveness or, better yet, compassion has left the executive’s toolbox, what truly remains?
In this often-hypersensitive world, where executives become inflexible to the concept of compassion, that good employees leave. Often, those decisions made in the moment “for the good of the organization (or team),” are short-sighted. For the question emerges as to which humans are without flaw?
True example. We were aware of a long-term employee who was let go from an organization after they were accused of an “off-color” remark and bullying. The employee profusely apologized for their behavior including “coursework.” However, the organization could never quite get over the original error, isolated the employee and then let them go.
Within weeks after the employee departed, one of their accusers engaged in bullying activity and made inappropriate workplace comments. So, who is perfect? Who is without flaw? What could the executive leader have done to allow compassion and greater communication in the organization from the start?
Perhaps a greater balance needed to be in place where prior complaints might have been more compassionately addressed and corrected.
Unfortunately, when compassion is introduced as a workplace concept, the term is often mistaken for “softness” or a weak leadership style.
Executive leaders need to actively step-in (not isolate) an employee who has made a mistake. Again, we are not talking about fraud or physical violence, but a human blunder. Not doing anything to help, can and will initially lead to employee guilt and shame, and isolating will invariably cause the employee to leave.
It takes courage, not weakness, to practice workplace forgiveness. It takes mindfulness and authenticity to understand the workplace problems might be much more than one employee committing a stupid mistake.
Forgiveness, like mindfulness, is an ongoing process. It is also a choice to be practiced and embraced and clearly not viewed as weakness.