VIM Executive Coaching has been greatly influenced by philosophies of the East as well as the West. To us, it is not just about “the culture” of nations such as Japan, Austria or any other, but as to how culture is so interwoven with society and clearly, with how those societies “do business.”
Recently, we were in the company of a friend, a manager for an international firm. He was what you might call “a kind soul.” He was interested in business coaching not for himself, but a couple of new employees. The new employees were quite intelligent and clearly, digital savvy but, he admitted, they were rather unmindful. His exact words:
“They are so buried in their mobile devices; they have trouble connecting with people.”
The manager has a reputation within his organization as someone who takes the time to listen and respond; a someone who respects what others have to say. We seem to be letting these vital listening skills slip away into cyberspace.
The Lack of Awareness
Psychologist Eli Straw has written extensively on the current lack of social awareness of employees in the workplace. Among his observations (our italics):
“We are social creatures, and we live in a world where relationships and social interactions play a large part in a successful life. This makes having the ability to understand the emotions of others incredibly important. If we lack social awareness, then it can cause our lives to be much more difficult and full of friction.”
We are creatures of Emotional Intelligence (EI) and emotional intelligence is essential for connection; this point that has been well established in countless studies. To be emotionally intelligent we need (as comedians say) “to be able to read the room.”
In a broad sense, what Dr. Straw is describing is a lack of mindfulness. As a society, we are rapidly losing people skills, and as pointed out, it not only leads to friction and difficulty in communication but attacks the very fiber of a cohesive organization. The lack of mindfulness is readily apparent in the modern workplace especially following the pandemic years.
Back to our friend, the “aware manager” with the international firm. To look at him physically, all 5’7” and 140 pounds of him, one would not suspect his inner-life. He truly does look to be a meek accountant. He is in his mid-40s and for many years he lived abroad. His employees know him to be a gardener and, on the weekends, an assistant coach in a youth soccer league.
What they may not know, and we admit, it sounds almost to be the parody, of a spy movie, is that he has studied multiple martial arts over most of his life. He has studied under masters in China, Turkey and Belgium. We cannot imagine how many “higher belts” he holds, and not being a boastful man, it is something he would be too embarrassed to reveal. When pressed, he will usually say, “When I can, I like to work out at my club” He shared that the club, is a “Dojo,” a martial arts space. Other than those skimpy facts, our friend is much more concerned with his Dahlias and the dismal record of his kid’s soccer squad. He is hardly a Bruce Lee action figure, but he is incredibly mindful of people.
We never question him about his martial arts skills, but he will readily answer that he has intentionally trained himself to be a thoughtful communicator and to respect his subordinates. He can read the room.
We Need to Listen
Even if you have no interest in being an action figure, much less a Bruce Lee replica, you can become a more mindful, more active listener. You can better master work place communication and learn the valuable difference between responding and reacting. The more we are reluctantly forced into digital silos, the more we need to “read the room,” as our friend undoubtedly once learned to read others in his “club.”
Our friend remains a kind and responsive man who cares about his co-workers. He has little to prove other than to allow those around him to prove themselves.