“I had already begun to sense that my feelings varied too far from those of the people around me for me to blab about what I felt.”
—Richard Wright, Author
VIM Executive Coaching would like to start this week’s post with a simple question: “Why does it feel so unnatural to hold back feelings and not react?”
Several years ago, Psychologist Matt James, writing for Psychology Today, stated:
“[That responding] is based on information from both the conscious mind and unconscious mind. A response will be more “ecological,” meaning that it takes into consideration the well-being of not only you but those around you. It weighs the long-term effects and stays in line with your core values.”
Reacting, on the other hand, is gut-level, in the moment, a “damn the torpedoes” attack where the executive leader or team members wants to tell everyone what they feel, without caring for consequences, because it feels good to let it out. It is no wonder that reaction most often carries with it another “R” word, “Regret.”
“Blowing up” at team members, subordinates or management most often carries consequences. Strong reaction usually results in one or more of the following:
- It can ruin a reputation in a “nano-second.”
- It can destroy any kind of team confidence and personal expression built up over months, even years.
- It is contentious and establishes overt or subvert resentment.
- It is a great way to destroy any chance for a promotion or recognition.
- If the reaction is bad enough, expect to hear from HR.
- A bad reaction (from an off-joke to bullying or suggestive aggression) gets around an organization like wildfire.
- Reaction is almost always linked with immaturity and low emotional intelligence.
Why do executive leaders so easily react?
Given some of the negative outcomes of reaction over response, why is executive reaction so common in 2026?
For starters, what organizations used to call “executive decisiveness” can also be what triggers the seven outcomes outlined above. The same valued traits of the hard-charging executive can also be their undoing. Up until fairly recently, society has generally respected the image of the executive who knows where they are going and how to get the team to go there.
The core problem is that the workplace has been rapidly changing and yet management, executive leadership itself, has failed to adjust.
Several major consulting firms have identified the core problem we stated above, and the reality of the situation is that at least 50% of executives are failing in their roles and as high as 30% to 40% of the “top half” are seen as mediocre.
DDI, a consulting firm, stated that based on their research:
“HR [departments] consider about half of executives hired outside [of the organizational culture] to be failures in their roles. The numbers look a little better for internally promoted executives, but more than a third [of them] are still failing.”
The Need is Great
Research identifies at least five reasons why there has been a needed lack of adjustment, and this strikes to the heart of failures in career coaching:
1. Executive leaders have lost sight of what their roles should be. There exists all manner of finger pointing, but at its center, well, executives have lost their center.
2. It’s not in the details. Let’s face it. Team members are smart, they have tools unheard of just a few years ago and they want to collectively do a good job. Executive leaders who believe in the old nit-picking, micro-management style absolutely kill teams and motivation. Leaders need much more focus on the bigger issues.
3. People skills! There is no end to leaders who have superior technical and/or financial expertise, and all those keystrokes and number crunching have catapulted them to the top. The problem is they lack the people skills and ability to create cooperation and consensus.
4. Too much compensation. Though many executive leaders won’t admit it, they are so unsure of their roles and themselves that they overcompensate. In overcompensating, arrogance takes the place of compassion.
5. The burden is overwhelming. When the burden on executive leaders becomes overwhelming, they react to everything and everyone around them.
Not surprising, the best course of action for the executive and the team is to unplug from the stress and to focus on mindfulness. To find one’s center, to understand what is truly important, to develop better communication and compassion, should be the goal of any career counseling program.
Pressure is inevitable, but the art of handling pressure is in responding, not reacting to it.