“The thing about being invisible is, you’d think it would feel light and airy and easy, no pressure, but it doesn’t. It’s the heaviest thing I’ve ever known.”
—Kathleen Glasgow, Author
In our career coaching practice, one of the most common complaints VIM Executive Coaching hears from new clients is: “I’m Tired of Being Invisible, No One Sees Me.” Certainly, we’ve heard executives complaining they feel like “potted plants,” “pieces of office furniture,” or more sadly, “trusted just enough to fetch the coffee…but not trusted enough to have input.”
For those who spend most of their time in remote work situations or who are required to put in appearances at quarterly meetings or other organizational events, feelings of invisibility are remarkably similar (or worse).
One thing executives who are either in the office full-time or never in an office setting can agree on is that the more invisible they feel, the less likely they are to ever get promoted. It is almost a wish-fulfillment proposition that “invisible feeling people” are almost never seen.
As the quotation above encapsulates, moods or a state-of-mind of invisibility are far from positive. Those who enter career coaching frequently complain of feeling transparent and not seen as having substance, yet there is indeed a crushing heaviness.
Why do executives feel invisible?
To feel invisible is painful. Whether an executive leader works in healthcare, real estate or fast-food, the pain of not being heard or seen is real.
One of the classic psychological studies, dating to 2012 and entitled: “The pain of social disconnection: examining the shared neural underpinnings of physical and social pain,” concludes: “Experiences of social rejection, exclusion or loss are generally considered to be some of the most 'painful' experiences that we endure.”
Experiencing “invisibility” and concomitant rejection has forced many otherwise incredible managers to withdraw, give-up or quit. The pain can lead to physical symptoms and certainly depression.
Ironically, changing feelings of invisibility is not a matter of ratcheting up a hard work ethic into a super-hard work ethic. While an executive leader’s hard work may be valued, it does not always pave the way to appreciation or promotion. In other words, the pain described above will not automatically dissipate if hard work is occasionally appreciated.
The way career counseling should help a struggling executive leader who perceives they are invisible get better appreciated should be based on at least five important principles:
- Don’t expect to get noticed, ask for it, put it out there. If you, as an executive leader, are making progress, share it. There is a difference between bragging and offering valuable input. While reports or updates are often seen as burdensome, nothing is more of a burden than “feeling like that plant, over there, in the corner.” Understand that the executive's role is to offer input, and on a regular basis.
- Communicate. “Telepathy” has never pushed anyone’s executive career from stalled to dynamic. Communicate your progress, results and visions for the team. That last word is important; improve the team, hope for the team, work for the team. Communicate why you want to do so.
- Silence is not golden. Wallflowers never succeed. Giving everyone the silent treatment because you like the Zen approach doesn’t work.
- The office. If there is the opportunity to get back to the office, do so. Sorry, but it is far better to commit to an actual office even part of the time than to stick to digital guns all of the time. Get involved in meetings, question, contribute and develop a whole new set of bonds with in-person teammates.
- Focus. What are the issues and how can your input offer solutions? What are the issues that matter to the team and ultimately to management? Be on the field, not the sidelines.
The hidden factor in every principle mentioned above is mindfulness; being aware of what is seen, heard, and most of all, what is important. Be sensitive to what is truly, authentically and organically needed. Use your power but do so in a way that complements.
Being heard and seen requires authentic observation of and genuine speaking about the significant issues.